dreamwalker

I am home for the summer so that I can live with my parents free of rent while I work.  I have a feeling that the only job I am going to end up with is going to make it hard to stick to any diet plan.  Almost all the job openings where I live are in the resruant bussinesses.  I love cooking and I have worked this type of job before so I know what it will be like to go back into that line of work.  You tend to end up eating the same food your serving to people, and there is easy acess to so much of what you’ve promised over and over you would stay away from.  Ice cream, sodas, fried foods, and much much more.  Its hard not to give into temptation when you are around it every day.  I am going to do my best not to, but I am not makeing any more promises to myslef.  I know that the more I tell myself that I won’t ever eat any of that stuff no matter how good it looks the more likely it is that I will eat more then I should of it.  So I have come up with the plan to limit what I eat and that is all that I can do.  There will be times that I have no other options of what to eat while I am working.  When I am not working however I fully intend to keep a tighter set of restrictions on.  No sodas or sweets for me on my days off.  A balance between the good and the bad that is all we really can do.  Going to either of the extreams could be unrealistic or unhealthy.  I am just trying to find a place that is some where in the middle.  Healthy, but not cutting out all the yummy foods that have been deemed bad for one reason or another. 

I am so hungry right now, but I am trying not to think about it.  I have been cleaning house all day so I have been burning calories today.  I ate lunch and told my self that was all I was going to eat till supper tonight, but it is so hard not to sneak a little snack when your all on your own.  Everyone else is at work right now and it would be so easy to snack on anything I wanted.  No one would know about it.  Fact is that I would know about it and I would feel guilty about it for the rest of the day.  I always do that when I am at school by myself.  I tell myslef that I need a little something to make me feel better.  Treating myself to a snack is always the easiest way to make me feel better, but then I feel bad about getting off track.  I hope that I can get into a habit of doing other things to get the same result of making myself feel better, but with a longer lasting result.  I have always enjoied reading and writting so I have tried subbing those fun hobbies for my snacks whenever I start to feel like I need a little pick me up I reach for a good book or my computer instead of going over to the pantry or fridge.  So far so good I have lost 10 lbs that I had at the start of the year, but it is so hard to keep reminding myself why I am doing what I am doing.  I think that I like to hide behind my weight as an excuse not to have to go out and meet new people because I am just plain shy in situations like that.  I tell myself that I don’t do those things because of my weight.  I use the same reason to explain why people seem not to want to spend time with me when the truth is that I don’t want to spend time with them.  I hate opening up and telling people things about myself so I find any thing that I can to hide from things I don’t like.  Well not anymore I am going to start changing that part of myself.  I want friends, I want love, and I can only have those things if I am willing to go after them.  That is what I am trying to do and for me self improvement starts with the change in how I veiw myself.  I can reach my goal weight by changing mylifestyle which means changing how I view people around me as well.  I hope that my blogs will give me more then a place to ramble and say things that I don’t want to say out loud.  It is always easier to write (or type) things then it is to say them.  At least it always has been for me.  I welcome anyones comments and help, but I don’t just want a one way relationship out of it.  I want to give as much if not more then I take.  I love encouraging others because it encourages me when I do.  You help me and I will help you.  That is why we are here right?  To find people who know how hard it is to stick to the diet and exersize routines we are trying to build.  Change is hard, but with a little help everything is possible.

I have been trying over the years to lose the extra wieght, but it has always seemed that there was something missing from the process.  I counted calories, fat, and amount till I drove myself into a rut where it was easier to tell myself that it didn’t matter then it was to try again.  I am hoping that with a little help I can get out of that rut and keep the 10 lbs. I have already lost this year off.  I am also hoping that once I get back on track I can start lossing enough to get to my goal weight by this time next year.  A year to lose 100 lbs.  I don’t think that I will do that, but I should be able to make a dent on the path to that goal.  I learned in motivation (psychology major, thats why I had the class) that the best way to reach a big goal is to set minor ones that lead to the bigger one.  Proximal or short term goals are always easier to reach, and they come in groups.  Such as the goal to lose 10 lbs ever 4 months or something like that.  All these little goals that I met will lead to that big end goal or what my motivation teacher would call the Distal Goal.  Sorry about all the motivation stuff I just recently took my final for the class so the material is still on my mind.  You wouldn’t want to hear much about the other classes I took this semester.  I passed all my classes and now it is summer for me.  Work and life is all I have to worry about now.  I am hoping that I can establish better eating habits this summer so that when I get back to school I won’t have to be forming the behavior at period that will be stressful because we all know that stress and good eating habits are hard to get together.  At school it is just me so I have no real support system that I see every day.  Here at home I have my family, and we are all trying to lose weight so there will be a good support system with checks and balances built in.  No one eats alone execpt when we are at work.   I have bored you all enough for now I will end here and post again some time later.